This may sound really weird but it’s the truth. 

I think I fear getting more intimate with Christ.

I think I have a pretty good understanding of what I should and should not do to live a godly example.. but I’m too afraid to give up my worldly posessions.. things that i dearly hold on to for my own pleasure. it’s probably becuz i dont understand the fullness of joy that christians are supposed to experience when they’re truly in tune with Christ… 

My world desires and entertainment should not even compare with heavenly joy..

I have committed so many times to Christ in various retreats and revivals.. but I don’t know If my heart is truly ready to follow Christ in every way.. because everytime there’s an opportunity for me to demonstrate my commitment to Christ, I fail.. miserably. 

I am a coward cuz I want to apologize for my wrongdoings but because of my pride, my worry about how people or even family members would think of me keep me from saying “I am sorry” 

I dont know what I’ve become seriously.

I feel like im discovering my unknown personality/ugliness each and everyday… and I fear Im not the person that I thought I was..anymore.

I need to pray.. I need to pray.. i need to pray 

harder harder harder